Something for the Weekend Dog Jokes

A middle aged  Bloodhound  walks furtively into a pharmacy and sidles up to the young man behind the counter.

“Something for the weekend please, young man,” he whispers, checking that no one else is in immediate earshot.

“Sorry?” says the effete young assistant.

The Bloodhound is embarrassed. “Er, I like to keep my socks on in bed, if you know what I mean. So I’d like something for the weekend please.”

“I’m sorry, sir. We don’t sell socks. But you could try Debenhams. Or Marks & Spencer of course, both of which are on the high street.”

“I’m sorry,” says the Bloodhound out of the corner of his mouth. “I’m not used to this kind of thing. Subtlety is not my strong suit. May I please have, er, a packet of six, if you get my meaning.”

“I’m sorry, sir, I don’t,” says the mildly irritated assistant. “A packet of six what? In terms of sixes we stock children’s birthday candles, serviettes, ballpoint pens, tennis balls, party hats, party poppers, tie wraps, memo pads, memo blocks, sticks of chalk, batteries and gift tags.”

The Bloodhound’s cheeks redden. “Er. I don’t like to get my feet wet when dipping my big toe in the water, so I’d like a raincoat for my old boy, please young man.”

“Sorry sir. No raincoats either.”

“A rubber ghost?”

“No, sir. We don’t stock those either.”

“A gent tent?”

“Er, no sir.”

“A suit of armour for the purple-headed warrior?”

“No, sir.”

“A monocle for my third eye?”

“Er, no sir.”

Finally, the increasingly frustrated Bloodhound leaps up and grabs the young man by the lapels. “I want a packet of bloody condoms, please, young man.”

“Ah, condoms,” says the assistant. “You want the pharmacy. They’re next door. They moved last week!”

Something for the Weekend
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